Poem # 17

Stay

Stay, I waited for you to say that
Wait for me, but you made no promises
You generously offered
a temporary place in your heart
inexplicable cold, unblinking eyes
every breath made me regret
how indifferent, how effortless
I wish my pause could rest
Still I winced as I thought of
final days speaking to you
words yielded, time sped up, and left
us finally parting on bad terms

... ...
I had no relish for impulsive adventures
for my entertainment
nor leaving the only place I called home
I did not wish to pursue ventures
to challenge myself
and act like it wasn't concerning me at all
as if I even had a choice in the matter
I was only twelve years old
All I knew was to recoil
to cry, when the tears
weren't shed for anyone else
but my troubled self
the fact of the matter was
I allowed selfishness for once
and I prided in my misery
... ...
Hi I miss you..., I uttered
Evanescent memories we shared
moments of discreet silence followed
as we reflected and sighed in unison
the absulutness, the dead feelings
the aimless approches, the only things
we had left in common
Jagged remarks, plain and unreserved
all left permanent marks
tell me if I have the right to rectify
the harm life unknowingly has caused
I have been changed
You haven't been replaced
I led myself to the unwanted epiphany

Ella Evans© 2008

Poem # 16

The Funeral

Alas, life. Speechless I am.
A Crystal ball. A magical wand.
What I mean. What I need.
What they expect, you to portray.
Smoke signal, on a foggy day.
Still Cynical, it's only survival.
Lead me astray.
life oh once in a while...
Offer me a chance,
to betray myself.
Not to comprehend. Not to bother.
Not to care. Not to obey.
I've made a clear discovery:
Life is worthwhile.
So don't leave me here,
to merely decay and remain.

Ella Evans© 2008

This poem is dedicated to my very dear friend Emmie
Feeling blue, alright, me too.

Poem # 15

Ego

first of all
when it all boils down to this
don't hide your troubled eyes
and say it's embarrassingly small
Our visions collided
I took a chance out of disgrace
instantly your head occupied
the silence made me sick
Promise sounded like a paradox
of course I fell for it nevertheless
patient hesitation
before a kiss
blinded addiction
smell of death
pleasure in obsession
eternal chaos in abyss
scarce knew love's slave
though all the audience has left
I have stayed to witness it all
yet my opponent
when I finally confronted
and played him one last song
is still drenched in hate and frowns

Ella Evans© 2008