Poem # 17

Stay

Stay, I waited for you to say that
Wait for me, but you made no promises
You generously offered
a temporary place in your heart
inexplicable cold, unblinking eyes
every breath made me regret
how indifferent, how effortless
I wish my pause could rest
Still I winced as I thought of
final days speaking to you
words yielded, time sped up, and left
us finally parting on bad terms

... ...
I had no relish for impulsive adventures
for my entertainment
nor leaving the only place I called home
I did not wish to pursue ventures
to challenge myself
and act like it wasn't concerning me at all
as if I even had a choice in the matter
I was only twelve years old
All I knew was to recoil
to cry, when the tears
weren't shed for anyone else
but my troubled self
the fact of the matter was
I allowed selfishness for once
and I prided in my misery
... ...
Hi I miss you..., I uttered
Evanescent memories we shared
moments of discreet silence followed
as we reflected and sighed in unison
the absulutness, the dead feelings
the aimless approches, the only things
we had left in common
Jagged remarks, plain and unreserved
all left permanent marks
tell me if I have the right to rectify
the harm life unknowingly has caused
I have been changed
You haven't been replaced
I led myself to the unwanted epiphany

Ella Evans© 2008